Posted in Hunka husband, Outlaws, tagged about time, aerial canine stunt, agent of death, cleaning a keyboard, dell, loaded glass, mig welder, niamh shaw, out of office notifier, road trip, tragic event on 10/08/2009 | 5 Comments »
Reasons I haven’t posted in the last few days:-
A tragic event involving an aerial canine stunt, a loaded whisky glass and my keyboard.
Blame has been duly attributed to my Stepfather In Law, Agent of Death. It may have been my keyboard, but the whisky was under his supervision at the time. So, allegedly, was his dog. Looking on [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, Outlaws, tagged 2.0, 32 bit microprocessor, building block, colour sensor, good old days, her goatiness, lego, matrix display, microcomputer, mindstorms, nxt, robotics, servo motors, tvnz, unltrasonic sensor on 05/08/2009 | 3 Comments »
This morning on TVNZ, the breakfast show featured Lego Robotics. For a mere $500, you get the combined versatility of lego building systems with an intelligent microcomputer featuring a 32 bit microprocessor, a large matrix display, 4 input and 3 output ports, and Bluetooth and USB communication link. Three interactive servo motors, an ultrasonic sensor, [...]
Posted in Friends, Hunka husband, New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged Outlaws, south island, public transport, oamaru, pacific blue, tokoroa, turangi, thelma and louise, brad pitt, gay cowboy theme, disaster strikes, tentacles of doom, travel crate, crate hire on 31/07/2009 | 4 Comments »
Husband left for Oamaru this day last week to catch the last weekend of duck shooting and partake in some serious alcohol abuse with the Outlaws.
I did not join him because my friend, Helen, was over from Dubai. She had asked me to accompany her on a three-day road trip to visit her friend in [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged 4wd waterskiing, 4x4, ammunition, camo suit, close up, convoy, duck shooting, eye contact, jacuzzi, loaded shotgun, mai mai, New Zealand, pin up girl, season, shotgun, snuff out a life, surfing a blow-up doll, swearing, tvnz, whisky on 07/05/2009 | 6 Comments »
It was a big weekend: the opening of duck season. There were days of preparation: oiling and polishing guns, stocking ammo, building mai-mais, exhuming camo suits, and applying swear words.
Check out this TVNZ’s Close Up segment to learn more about what The Men got up to over the weekend, although without the extreme bonding, arse footage, loaded coolboxes, [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged eyebrow pluck, follicle elimination, hairdresser, hairstyle, moustache waxing, oamaru, operation beautification, south island, timaru on 28/04/2009 | 4 Comments »
Operation Beautification commenced the week before Husband’s triumphant return. General follicle extermination, eyebrow plucking and trimming, intense moisturising, deep conditioning, teeth straightening, moustache waxing.
However, he highlight of the entire campaign was The Hairdo. I have been growing my hair for what feels like several millenia. One of the reasons for this – apart from how [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged Outlaws, mother in law, oamaru, lake waitaki, brown dog, the warrior, kurau, fetch on 17/04/2009 | 1 Comment »
A couple of weeks ago, The Outlaws and I went on a little day-trip to Lake Waitaki. Mother and Stepfather-In-Law, Sister and Boyfriend-In-Law and three brown dogs crammed into the car.
The journey was memorable for two reasons.
The first was meeting The Warrior at a cafe in Kurau, where we stopped for lunch pies. The Warrior punctuates his conversation [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, Outlaws, tagged niamh shaw, novel, smart casual on 07/04/2009 | 14 Comments »
According to Amazon and my publishers, Little Black Dress, Smart/Casual came out on 2 April.
The Outlaws threw a launch party to compensate for Husband not being present to take me out for dinner. Had he been around, Husband would more likely have celebrated the grand occasion by hacking into Amazon’s website to see how many copies had been [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, The Muse, tagged analogies, how to use your face as a hoe, in laws, mountain bike, open heart surgery, Outlaws, padded lycra shorts, toe clips on 03/04/2009 | 8 Comments »
Yesterday I cycled up to Sister and Boyfriend-In-Law’s house to lash myself to a desk and force out a word or two in a manner similar to performing open heart surgery on oneself.
As you can tell, progress on the second novel is going well.
I borrowed Mother-In-Law’s mountain bike for the trip, which comes accessorised with [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, Outlaws, tagged arid wasteland of tedium, daring, Dubai, enchanted kingdom, fluid concept, means of transport, oamaru, reckless, The Outlaws, time on 30/03/2009 | 14 Comments »
You see? After swearing never to refer again to a single member subset of the genus canid, I have nothing to blog about. Outside Jed – OOPS! – my life is an arid wasteland of tedium, in no way resembling an enchanted kingdom or even an interesting and/or action packed environment.
The other day, Husband abandoned [...]
Posted in Family, Hunka husband, New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged anxiety, curly coat retriever, not eating, picky eater, refuses to eat, stress, won't eat on 02/03/2009 | 7 Comments »
Garry the Vet advised a gradual transition to puppy biscuits by incorporating them into Jed’s current diet and gradually increasing the measures.
One problem with this was that Jed did not really have a ‘current diet’ as such. I have no idea what his breeder fed him originally. During the week he spent at the outlaws’ farm he [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, Outlaws, Weird, tagged funniest joke in the world, humour, joke on 26/01/2009 | 4 Comments »
Me: Last night, I dreamed I made up the funniest joke in the world. Everybody laughed. I became quite famous.
Husband: Really? Do you remember the joke?
Me: Of course. I spent weeks if not months working on it: honing it, breaking it down and reconstructing it to finely crafted perfection.
Brett: Well, are you going to tell [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, Outlaws, tagged calling, chunky boy, come in, frequency, mascara chick, over, radio, rutting goat on 07/01/2009 | 6 Comments »
In Dunedin, Husband procured a pair of radios for use on The Farm. This is because Craig never answers his mobile. For some reason, Margaret thinks he will respond to a radio.
We’ve been having lots of fun testing them:-
“Mascara Chick calling Chunky Boy, come in Chunky Boy. Ten four three niner. I’m taking a bath splish splash. Over.”
Admittedly [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged 2009, auld lang syne, bourbon, ginger beer, lyrics, new year, pit bull, shots, soggy chip on 04/01/2009 | 1 Comment »
For New Years’, we joined a representative cross-section of the good denizens of Oamaru sporting an abnormally high number of mullets at the Hampden Tavern.
Overheard at the bar, from someone I will describe as a barmaid in the loosest sense of the word: ”Bring that wine glass back – you’re not getting a fresh one every time.”
It was relatively quiet: soggy chips, [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged calvin klein, first time, in laws, knickers, loving feeling, meeting in laws, mother in law, New Zealand, platonic, te anau, thong, trauma, work of satan on 08/11/2008 | 7 Comments »
An incident recently reminded me of the first time I met my In-Laws, about seven-eight years ago.
I was understandably nervous. I really REALLY wanted Husband’s family to like me. Correction: I wanted to leave them in no doubt as to why Husband was completely besotted with me, and even experience a little of that lovin [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, Outlaws, tagged compete, contender, el knobbo, gaming virgin, japan, japanese electronics, killer instinct, nintendo wii, panasonic, playstation, ps3, rabbit, victory, wii on 08/09/2008 | 1 Comment »
Something I forgot to mention about dinner at El Knobbo’s. It didn’t really conform to the theme of my last post in either subject matter or tone – although that has never stopped me before.
After dessert, El Knobbo and Dan got out their Nintendo Wii. As post-dinner entertainment goes, it made a nice change from [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged auckland, billy ocean, boney m, calving, caribbean queen, christian, composting, dairy farming, don't forget the lyrics, eighties, gas, livestock, lyrics, michael jackson, mucous, music, nicole, north island, oamaru, oprah, organic, Outlaws, paddock, pteromerhanoboviphobia, pteromerhanophobia, rain tsunami, rock with you, seventies, south island, stole my bold, summer, telly, The swan, tv, warmer, wicca, wife swap on 06/09/2008 | 1 Comment »
On Thursday, the weather was so balmy we opened the doors and windows and ate lunch on the balcony. It’s been a while since that was possible without being swept away by a tsunami of rain. The temperature has climbed at least four degrees in the last ten days.
But enough about the weather. At the [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged auckland, bush walk, electricity, fairy falls, goodfellow track, henderson, mountain biking, New Zealand, perfect storm, power cut, power outage, waitakere, worst storm on 27/07/2008 | Leave a Comment »
Because Friday was gorgeous, I took the bike to Fairy Falls. Cycling down Turanga Road is always fun; then I cut across a section of bush to Mountain Road.
In the 500m from the bottom of Mountain Road to the Fairy Falls carpark, I figured out why it is called Mountain Road. I’d never noticed the [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged aries, ascendant, astrology, birth, bullshit, cancer, capricorn, descendant, equinox, Family, gemini, heap of rubbish, horoscope, horoscopes, inlaws, leo, parallax, pisces, planet, primary angle, sagittarius, scorpio, star sign, sun sign, taurus, virgo, zodiac on 28/05/2008 | 2 Comments »
The Outlaws invited two friends to The Bro’’s birthday dinner. Raewyn is a friend of Rosina’s, and I’m not sure whose friend Chris is. Possibly nobody’s. I’m not sure how it came up, but as everyone sat around the table surreptitiously burping, somebody mentioned Chris was into astrology. He recently told Sian, a friend of Rosina’s, that she [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, Recipes, tagged baste, basting, duck recipe, french recipe, how to cook duck, meat, offal, offcuts, Outlaws, roast duck, south island on 27/05/2008 | Leave a Comment »
Given Craig and Margaret’s vocation, it is not unusual to return from a trip to South Island with various species of carcass in various stages of thaw packed in the suitcase. Husband’s, that is. I try to ensure my wheelie bag is too full to admit offal.
After his duck shooting weekend, Husband returned to Auckland [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged cool, hip, model, photography, pose, teenager, trend setter, trendy on 21/05/2008 | 2 Comments »
(Not to be confused with anti-freeze.)
Me: I always look like such a ghoul in photos. I used to practice pouting in front of a mirror, but-
The Bro: Stop, stop, STOP! THAT – right there – that is why you were never cool
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged america's got talent, auckland airport, blues, border patrol nz, boy shakira, buns of steel, consuelo campbell, coolaid the clown, country western, crack cocaine, david hasselhof, don't hassle hoff, don't hassle the hoff, family bonding, goggle box, gospel, gregorian chant, jazz, ma'am, medical emergency, New Zealand, new zealand's got talent, piers morgan, quality tv, sharon osbourne, south island, telly, the hoff, tv, tv1, tvnz on 06/05/2008 | 3 Comments »
On our last night in Oamaru, we gathered around the telly for some family bonding. There was some quality TV on show (worth bearing in mind that it’s been a while since I’ve goggled the box). First up was the Chicago auditions for ‘America’s Got Talent’, this episode being about nine months behind America.
The first [...]
Posted in Hunka husband, New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged auckland hospital, bmu, bone marrow unit, chemo, chemotherapy, iphone, iv drip, multiple myeloma, nerds, oncologist, pic line, sct, stem cell transplant on 03/04/2008 | Leave a Comment »
Last week Father In Law had his stem cell transplant. He was admitted to hospital on Wednesday, battered with chemo on Thursday, and had the transplant Friday.
One of the things we have struggled with is the contradictory information issuing from a range of specialists. Coming up to the SCT, we could not get an [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged adversary, best packed lunch, brisket, country fair, country show, demon, evil, fairlie, foxy, goat, groom, highland, hoof clip, mackenzie fair, proud teats, shampoo, show goat, south island, udder, villain on 24/03/2008 | Leave a Comment »
Today we went to the MacKenzie Country Fair – or Country Fear as the Kiwis would have it. Mother In Law was showing two of her top goats, Sybil and Gaberdine.
Mother In Law has several prize goats, which she shows around the country. Don’t ask me what type they are. At this stage, I consider [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged blubber, oamaru, rocks, sea, seal, seal colony, south island on 21/03/2008 | Leave a Comment »
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged chocolate labrador, cross, curly haired, oamaru, pedigree, retriever, south island on 21/03/2008 | Leave a Comment »
Craig’s mad dog
Posted in Outlaws, tagged alcohol, auckland, booze, ceiling, dog hair, dulux, franchise, henderson, how much paint, meatballs, paint brush, painting, renting, resene, roller, steinlager light, Subway, trim, waitakere on 10/03/2008 | Leave a Comment »
Although we signed the rental papers in early February, until recently we were still living with The Outlaws. The female component of our landlords, Ingrid, was sympathetic to our request to paint the house, so we intended to do so while waiting for our shipment.
At this stage, I was having second thoughts about the [...]
Posted in New Zealand, Outlaws, tagged cool, emo, gay, inlaws, kiwi, lingo, manlove, New Zealand, phraseology, slang, st heliers, steinlager, stylie, sweet on 04/03/2008 | Leave a Comment »
By now I’m pretty adept at the ‘yehs’ – sometimes I’ve conducted entire conversations utilising only that word and a head-scratch – but I haven’t worked up to calling anyone ‘mate’ yet. I’m not sure whether it is a guy thing. I haven’t heard a Kiwi woman call anyone ‘mate’.
I’ve also picked up some phraseology [...]
Used bobcats
Posted in Outlaws, tagged blog stats, comment, deadlyjelly, exponential, flattery, ingenuous, lurker, niamh shaw, spam, traffic, used bobcats on 23/04/2009 | 18 Comments »
For the last couple of months, Deadlyjelly’s stats has averaged around 70 visits per day. I’m not sure why traffic hasn’t increased exponentially since my blog’s inception. Perhaps it’s because I don’t trawl the Internet making comments on other peoples’ websites. Maybe I need to increase the application of swearwords, or include more videos of [...]
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