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Hulk. Smash!

I know you’ve all been waiting for a considered, measured, detailed analysis of The Incredible Hulk. Look, don’t expect too much. It didn’t pack the emotional resonance of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly – but on the upside it featured way more violence, exploding clothes and mutating humans. It was also more environmentally friendly.

The Hulk has always been one of my favourite superantiheroes, even back in the seventies with his tragically ill-advised hairstyle. Who hasn’t faced a sneering nemesis and wanted to pulverize them with a Ford Focus? And let’s face it, we’ve all wanted to be green at some point.

I wasn’t interested in the previous incarnation of Hulk, largely because Eric Bana’s head is so disturbingly small. But The Incredible Hulk 2008 – what a cast. I’m a major fan of Edward Norton, Tim Roth and John Hurt. Or is it William Hurt? Doesn’t matter, I like them both.

And then there’s Liv. *sigh!* She’s right up there on my Top 10 lesbian list. If Liv were to turn up and say, “Niamh, I want you. Kiss me. Kiss me now,” while casting meaningful looks at a bottle of massage oil, holy crap I would be all over the woman. Heck, if she were to walk in the door and say, “Anyone got nail clippers?” I would be all over the woman. Naturally, I would be torn about it, because I am madly in love with my husband, and not a lesbian generally, and also it wouldn’t last because she doesn’t have much of a sense of humour, and I expect Husband would win me back pretty sharpish.

There’s not much I can tell you about the movie. I mean, here is the plot deconstruction: Hulk evades armed forces while searching for a cure.

There were some amazing aerial shots of Rio de Janeiro.

The movie addressed a burning question, an issue that has occupied me in the years since the TV show: how come The Hulk never bursts out of his trousers? According to the film, Bruce Banner simply buys trousers with elasticated waists, in size 22+. I find it laudable that a man who regularly transmutes into a monster that radically renovates public property is so concerned about preserving his modesty.

However, the film raised more questions than it addressed. For example, how come size 22 trousers don’t fall down around Bruce Banner’s ankles? (At least there are a number of sensible and entirely plausible answers to that question, not least a safety pin.) Where do The Abomination’s trousers go? What casting agent extraordinaire thought Liv Tyler would make an ideal scientist? Why can’t Betty Ross attract better-looking boyfriends? (I wouldn’t be calling Edward Norton a weed to his face – because there is a risk he’d nibble my ankles off – but I am definitely calling him a weed behind his back. And Betty’s boyfriend before Bruce Banner turns up is not much better.) What the hell did the antidote actually do – apart from not much? Does your heart rate really rise that much during sex, or just with Liv?

I admit I’ve probably been thinking about it way too much


Comments on: "Hulk. Smash!" (2)

  1. Hi Niamh,

    Hhmm, I must admit that Hulk isn’t my usual type of film, but I really enjoyed Dark Knight (or “Chevalier Noir” as I’m in Paris at the moment!) so should maybe try moving out of my cinematic comfort zone more often…

    Totally unrelated (but related to my own blog!), I am fascinated by your blog classifications/tagging and wonder how you feel about “labels” as a writer, especially as you are Irish! Check out my latest post!

    &… xxx

  2. […] pootle around the universe applying impressive special effects to planets. Apart from that, even Eric Bana’s freakishly small head fails to make the Romulans look the least bit threatening. They have no exoskeletal anomalies, no […]

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