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This is a terrible, terrible movie.

I saw it on Friday with The Bro and three of his girlfriends. The Bro claimed he was brainwashed and emotionally tortured into seeing it, which is quite similar to how I felt afterwards. Four days later, I still feel violated.

So the storyline – well, it’s a musical so it doesn’t really matter. And it’s crap, so it matters even less. Something about a wedding and the bride inviting three blokes who might be her father. Yes, the audience is expected to believe that several men slept with Meryl Streep twenty years before. Doesn’t matter that she was younger – I mean, that nose. Poses logistical as well as aesthetic problems, as highlighted by Pierce Brosnan when he kissed her and nearly got impaled on a nostril.

The whole experience was profoundly gay. Afterwards, I seriously questioned my own sexuality and whether Meryl Streep is actually a transvestite. There was far too much exuberance involving squealing and giggling – and don’t get me started on the women. You would be pushed to find more ham on a pig’s arse.

I hope to goodness Meryl has fired her agent. She can’t sing and her performance in the movie made me question whether she can act either. A scene where she jumps up and down on a bed would have better befitted a horror movie. She sings like a cat in labour (although Pierce Brosnan is worse).

In fairness, although Meryl totally sucked in the overblown, dramatic musical moments, she showed a hint of brilliance when performing ‘The Winner Takes it All’ with Pierce Brosnan. Overlooking the ‘singing’, Meryl excelled in that small, quiet moment. Unfortunately, there weren’t enough of them.

I mean it: TERRIBLE

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Comments on: "Extensively terrible" (12)

  1. Anonymous said:

    you are serious stupid LOL – thats all.

  2. My mum made me promise I’d go….
    ….queue scene from Aliens….
    …kill me….pleeeeeeze……

    (by the way the previous comment was not made by me)

  3. deadlyjelly said:

    Looks like we have a Mamma Mia fan in the house.

    (MarkJ, I’m not referring to you. And by the way, what has your mum got against you?)

  4. Brett said:

    I don’t think I can take Pierce Brosnan seriously ever again. Honestly I’m all for role diversity but you can’t go from James Bond, the pinnacle of macho, to the ass end of possibly the most homoerotic movie I’ve ever witnessed, and maintain any kind of loyal fan base.

    For the record I was blackmailed into seeing this. Not sure what the other two guys in the cinema excuses were. Perhaps they were together…

  5. deadlyjelly said:

    Honey, I don’t think I can take YOU seriously ever again. As for the blackmail excuse – it doesn’t fly unless there are firearms involved

  6. […] would have done even if the alternatives hadn’t been ‘Run Fat Boy Run’ and ‘Mamma Mia‘. The plot is still far-fetched and flung together unbelievably tenuously; yet it remains the […]

  7. mumsie said:

    I love you! You’re the first person, beside my man, to not go for Mamma Mia. We never saw it but were given the DVD by some friends who had mistakenly got a second copy. They assured us it was hilarious. I have not been so bored by a movie since four weddings and a funeral!!! – and that is saying some.
    We weren’t going to give shelfspace to the DVD but gave it back to our friends with many thanks but… find a more appreciative home for it.

    As you may have guessed, I am currently enjoying going through your blog archives. I was bedbound with proper ghastly flu and it has proved a nice invalid occupation. Thanks.

  8. deadlyjelly said:

    Mumsie – from your response, I can’t tell whether you are a fan of Mamma Mia or not. It could affect our fledgling relationship. Perhaps it’s better I don’t know for now.

    x

  9. deadlyjelly said:

    . . . and I’m delighted Deadlyjelly is providing some distraction while you’re bedridden. Gotta warn you: be careful not to get snot on the keyboard.

    x

  10. mumsie said:

    Oh dear – deadlyjelly – I’d hate to wreck our budding friendship but feel utterly embarassed at having left you in doubt about Mamma Mia. Let me emphasize: I’m not repeat NOT a fan of that rubbish.
    The keyboard survived quite well but the screen looked a lot worse fur splutterings. Thanks for the warning.

    I must tell you that a few months ago I poured a mug of coffee over the handset of a cordless phone. I vigorously shook and dried said phone while cursing in a most unladylike fashion. By the next day it had stopped sulking enough to give a dial tone and I could use it for answering calls. However, the display was totally defunct and therefore it was no fun trying to use it for dialling. To my great surprise, about a month ago I used it to answer a call and noticed that the display had come back and all the numbers entered into its memory were there. Moral – drink your coffee black and unsweetend and your phone will survive a decent share of it and come back good as new.

    xxx

  11. deadlyjelly said:

    Mumsie – don’t worry, I doubted you ONLY MOMENTARILY. I felt certain that someone with the excellent taste to read my blog would not be the type to entertain Mamma Mia merchandise.

    Your story about the phone has prompted my next blog post, I think. Bloggable material has been a bit thin on the ground recently, along with walnuts and marigolds.

    x

  12. mumsie said:

    Always happy to be of service!

    xxx

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