This is a terrible, terrible movie.
I saw it on Friday with The Bro and three of his girlfriends. The Bro claimed he was brainwashed and emotionally tortured into seeing it, which is quite similar to how I felt afterwards. Four days later, I still feel violated.
So the storyline – well, it’s a musical so it doesn’t really matter. And it’s crap, so it matters even less. Something about a wedding and the bride inviting three blokes who might be her father. Yes, the audience is expected to believe that several men slept with Meryl Streep twenty years before. Doesn’t matter that she was younger – I mean, that nose. Poses logistical as well as aesthetic problems, as highlighted by Pierce Brosnan when he kissed her and nearly got impaled on a nostril.
The whole experience was profoundly gay. Afterwards, I seriously questioned my own sexuality and whether Meryl Streep is actually a transvestite. There was far too much exuberance involving squealing and giggling – and don’t get me started on the women. You would be pushed to find more ham on a pig’s arse.
I hope to goodness Meryl has fired her agent. She can’t sing and her performance in the movie made me question whether she can act either. A scene where she jumps up and down on a bed would have better befitted a horror movie. She sings like a cat in labour (although Pierce Brosnan is worse).
In fairness, although Meryl totally sucked in the overblown, dramatic musical moments, she showed a hint of brilliance when performing ‘The Winner Takes it All’ with Pierce Brosnan. Overlooking the ‘singing’, Meryl excelled in that small, quiet moment. Unfortunately, there weren’t enough of them.
I mean it: TERRIBLE