Me: When I was about eight, I was a Brownie. After school, Brown Owl and Lone-Wolf-Or-Whatever-Her-Name-Was used to collect us from school and walk us to the LPYMA, and one day they left me behind-
Husband: You were late, weren’t you?
Me: What? I was eight! It’s not as if I was loitering behind the school shed smoking reefers or graffiting the basketball court. I was probably skipping adorably innocently in the playground-
Husband: Well, it’s no wonder they left you behind if you were late-
Me: I WAS EIGHT! I can’t believe you’re trying to condone this! There’s no excuse for leaving an eight year old behind! It’s phenomenally irresponsible! My parents entrusted their precious charge to the care of Brown Owl and Rutting-Wolf-Or-Whatever-Her-Name-Was, and they FORGOT ME!
Niamh: How can I make this come alive for you? Is it the way I tell it? Can you not picture me in my horrible little brown uniform, weeping inconsolably in the playground alone and abandoned in the world?
Husband: So, was that the story?
Me: No! But I’m not going to tell you the rest if you’re going to SCOLD me 28 years after the event when I’m, like, 450% older and you weren’t even THERE
Husband: I won’t-
Niamh: TOO LATE!
Husband: Ok, I’m sorry
Niamh: All right. Anyway, Brown Owl came back for me and took me to Brownies on her motorbike! And it was the highlight of my whole life
Husband: Really? How long was the journey?
Niamh: About two minutes. But it was a very intense experience
Husband: I see. Were you wearing a helmet?
Husband: Brown Owl really was irresponsible, wasn’t she?
Niamh: YES! THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!
Husband: And this was the highlight of your entire life?
Niamh: It is now that I’ve demoted our wedding day after you were mean to me