The second day after we got home, we took Jed to the vet. The Bee Gees was playing on the radio, and when I looked back at our puppy, I saw him give a little shimmy.
“Husband, look! Jed’s getting all funky with the Bee Gees. Do you think he’s gay?”
Whether he is or not, I was vaguely disturbed by how little Jed objected to having a thermometer stuck up his arse.
Garry the vet adopted a gunfighting stance and cocked his fingers at us. “I’m a straight talker,” he said, superfluously. “I HATE what you’re feeding him. Large breed like this, prone to all sorts of joint problems. Vital he gets proper protein and nutrients.”
By which Garry meant feeding him a restricted diet of puppy biscuits. By the time he had finished his pitch, I considered it a miracle that dogs are not an endangered species, having been forced to endure a diet of raw meat before the availability of a balanced, nutritious supply of dog biscuits.
“Do you get commission on these?” I asked Garry, shortly before handing over $140 for 15kg of Eukanuba puppy biscuits. “I mean, let’s talk percentages.”
Garry refused to talk commission or percentages. If you didn’t catch the sarcasm (and despite spending our coffee allowance on dog biscuits) I am still entirely skeptical about the merits of feeding a dog dehydrated biscuits instead of meat.
Jed’s adult teeth have not yet appeared, so Garry reckons he is younger than 16 weeks. He made me feel like an irresponsible dog owner for not having Jed up to date on his shots (The Outlaws took him for his first parvovirus vaccine the day after they collected him).
Apparently parvovirus – often fatal, especially to puppies immature immune systems – is rife in Waitakere, so until Jed gets his booster shot on 16/3, he is under house arrest