The deadliest, jelliest site ever. Brought to you by Niamh Shaw

Yesterday I cycled up to Sister and Boyfriend-In-Law’s house to lash myself to a desk and force out a word or two in a manner similar to performing open heart surgery on oneself.

As you can tell, progress on the second novel is going well.

I borrowed Mother-In-Law’s mountain bike for the trip, which comes accessorised with toe clips. I had no choice but to jam my boots in, because otherwise the clips  struck sparks off the ground on the down stroke.

I’ve never seen the point of toe clips – although I’m sure someone out there in padded lycra shorts can provide one or several. I suppose toe clips might stop my feet shooting off the pedals and kicking pedestrians or, more damagingly – for me, at any rate – lamp posts or letter boxes.

Because that happens all the time.

Instead, the only effect of the toe clips was that, when I pulled to a stop at Sister and Boyfriend-In-Law’s house, completely forgetting my feet secured to the pedals, I toppled off the bike and applied my face to their flowerbed


Comments on: "How to use your face as a hoe" (8)

  1. Ouch, they’re shitty things …
    Can you tell? I did the same thing. We clearly operate on another plane … an intellectual space where there are no toe-clips.

  2. deadlyjelly said:

    Hahaha! Maybe that’s it – although leaving feet in toe-clips when bicycle is stationery is not fully supportive of the the ‘intellectual space’ theory 😀


  3. Sean said:

    Hi Deadlyjelly,

    I don’t think there’s a cyclist alive who has used toeclips and not experienced exactly what you’ve described. Now you need to practice getting up with a “I just do that for entertainment” look on your face.
    Incidentally, the fact that toeclips prevent your feet suddenly slipping off the pedals is probably more appreciated by males….don’t ask why I know that!

  4. deadlyjelly said:

    Aw come on Sean: WHY DO YOU KNOW THAT? 😀

  5. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … so toe-clips are for boys then.

    Ms DJ, I think it’s an intelligence thing? Boys need reminding about where their feet need to be meanwhile, we know we don’t need any help and forget that we’re tied in eh wot.

    We need to de-volve a smidgen or 20.

    (Ummm, from the tone I read into your reply, it seemed okay to mock a stranger a little)

  6. deadlyjelly said:

    Yeah you see, I’m still not sure either sex is well represented by toe clips!

    Di, meet Sean. Sean, meet Di. Be nice, now.


  7. Sean said:

    Why? Well, if this wasn’t the internet, I’d be speaking to you in a high-pitched voice…..
    For your next trick, get the fancy pedals with clips that grab on to a cleat on the sole of your shoe. Then you can slow down, unclip your right foot very nonchalantly and complement yourself on your co-ordination as you gently keel over to the left, i.e. the side that still has a foot firmly attached to the pedal.
    Di, nice to meet you. Pray tell, what has intelligence got to do with memory? As for gender, aren’t you aware that Kasahkstan’s famous scientist has proven that a woman’s brain is the size of a squirrel?
    DJ get down off the fence now!

  8. deadlyjelly said:

    No, no, the view is great from up here. Anyway, I know you just want to steal my post. However, if the pair of you start throwing buns, I might have to come down for a snack.


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