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Hopalong

Today I wore shorts.

Far from being a grand gesture to welcome summer with open arms and double helpings of cellulite, I was thinking more along the lines of saving a pair of trousers getting drenched and slathered in mud. But hey, at least it was warm enough to wear shorts. In fact, doing jumping jacks while sprinting up the road, it was almost TOO warm.

So I set out to terrify woodland creatures and inflict psychological damage on my dog. Jed was so traumatised by the spectacle that he occasionally mistook my leg for a stick. Evidently a particularly large, squashy stick that emitted nuclear quantities of fluorescent energy.

For the last two days, dog-walking duty has fallen on me, since Husband sprained his ankle. Nothing exciting like commando-rolling through a plate glass window, or trying to execute a complex move in a sexually charged tango with a fat French double agent. No, I’m afraid it was all rather mundane. He was out walking. I like to think he’s talking it down. E.g. maybe he was attacked by a crazed squirrel, or fell down a pit lined with wooden stakes?

One way or another, that’s his Olympic dream in tatters.

He couldn’t have timed it better. Not only has the weather been savage, but the height of his recuperation coincided with rubbish relocation. Even I didn’t have the heart to send an injured man off down the drive with the rubbish, when every second step elicited a raw scream of pain compressed into an anguished grunt.

Husband is still lurching around the house and his trousers keep falling down around his knees. I’m not sure how this is related to spraining his ankle, but it must be. Unless you believe in coincidence. Which I don’t.

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Comments on: "Hopalong" (8)

  1. solartap said:

    I am watching you.

  2. Um….

    Can I insist on the “belt wearing” rule before my next visit?

    The thought of Andrew taking a spill on the stairs due to a malfunctioning pair of Levi’s would be too much for me to bear.

    The poor man has obviously been through enough ! πŸ™‚

  3. solartap said:

    Rereading that comment makes me thin it comes across as a bit scary, freaky in fact – especially considering that i am some 8000+ klms away from you.

    By “watching” i mean that i can see a return to “husband mocking” and i wanted to put you on notice. I did not mean that i have binoculars or a telescope or anything like that!

    Just so we are clear.

    And all.

  4. deadlyjelly said:

    Solartap: what? WHAT?

    Sheesh.

    MarkJ: Oh, but the thought of Andrew stumbling through the balcony door and plunging over the rail is ok? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!

    Insist away, but I’ve gotta warn you: I have never found that method effective on Husband.

    Solar: scary does not necessarily preclude freaky. Fear not: you are both.

    x

  5. Cian said:

    and I thought I was the stalker ’round here. Well I hope Husband feels better soon. Hopefully you are keeping him well fed and watered (coffee – not sure if he would want to experience your tea making) πŸ™‚

  6. Niamh just has to stop straining the tea through one of her used socks…

    problem solved!

  7. deadlyjelly said:

    Cian: Solar is more your common, garden-variety stalker. As stalkers go, you have more flavour and a spicy kick.

    MarkJ: oh, you have to STRAIN IT? That might be where I’m going wrong. Also, how much salt are you supposed to add?

    x

  8. This post is not no longer relevant. It has rained for over a week – and you continue to mock me by saying you are *still* wearing shorts….

    Please post again soon – I cant take the chance that you’ll be still wearing shorts a month from now, while those of us who have a genetic instability will start growing gills and webbed feet …

    P.S. you can stop the bloody rain dancing as well πŸ™‚

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