The deadliest, jelliest site ever. Brought to you by Niamh Shaw

Before I got a dog, the most disgusting thing I ever witnessed in my whole, entire life was my mother molesting a chicken. I was eight years old. Mum was preparing a roast. In a devastating mental leap, a precocious synapse realised the connection between Old Mac Donald’s hens cluck-clucking here and there and everywhere, and Kentucky fried drumsticks, spicy nuggets, crispy Buffalo wings, and braised beaks. My mother compounded the trauma by plunging her hand up the chicken’s chuff to extract the giblets.

It bears repeating: my parents have much to answer for.

Since then, I have witnessed many revolting, heinous things. You name it, I’ve seen it: pulsating boils, diverse expressions of body fluids, flesh eating gerbils. Perhaps because I’ve become jaded and cynical, nothing has ever rivalled my mother pressing a chicken carcass into service as a hand puppet.

Until now.

I am sorry to report that, cute, furry and downright cuddly as my puppy is, Jed makes me feel like barfing more than anything in this universe. To clarify: yes, that includes most forms of intestinal bacteria.

I will end this blog post right here, in deference to those with delicate sensibilities.

Be thankful.

Trust me on this.


Comments on: "Includes most forms of intestinal bacteria" (5)

  1. No comments… funny that 🙂

  2. P.S. How many of these tablets so I have to take again???

  3. Cian said:

    I was too scared to comment…

    when DJ said that she would “end this blog post right here, in deference to those with delicate sensibilities.”, I thought that things must be pretty bad as I do not believe that she has taken anybody’s sensibilities into account before.

    But I am worried about Jed – do we need to call the RNZSPCA to have him re-housed?

    Niamh – please tell us he is okay? Are you okay? Can Husband walk again?

  4. deadlyjelly said:

    For the last few days, our poor little puppy has been suffering from an upset tummy and yes, it got pretty bad. The vet said it was gastroenteritis and fairly common in young, male dogs. In the meantime, we’ve had a lot of half-digested food and grass flying around, often regrettably literally. On one occasion, he yakked on my shoes (he was under the table), then sat there going, “Hey, look! A pile of barf! Let’s call that a little present from me to you. I hope this suffices to express my warmest regards.”

    However, judging by the amount of grub Jed put away last night – and its continued internalisation – he is on the mend.


  5. Cian said:

    Glad to hear that Jed is on the mend…

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