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Flame of Passion

He clasped her to his glistening chest.

“My one true love,” he rasped, urgently.

A frown creased her perfectly proportioned alabaster forehead. “I don’t- I don’t feel so good,” she said.

“Darling one!” he exclaimed, his eyes moving questioningly over her face. “You’re trembling.”

“You might also notice I’m a bit whitish-green as well. Actually, I think I’m going to- excuse me- I- BLEURGH!”

“My love!” he gasped. “What’s wrong? Don’t die!”

“Right, the melodrama is starting to grate. Seems to be a tummy bug. Probably something I ate. Urgh.”

“What- what can I do?”

“Well, you can get your perfectly formed features out of my face, for a start. And could you maybe bring me some water, and a banana?”

“Anything!” he muttered, holding her tenderly. “I would pluck the stars from the sky for you! I would tunnel through mountains, turn back the tide, if you but only say the word-”

“Ok, let’s start with a goddamn banana.”

So, Husband left for Dubai. On the morning of his departure, a family ritual is that I get up early and make pancakes. Well, I was up early all right – 5am to be precise – trying to dissuade my spleen from bursting out my nose.

While Husband packed bags, I lay in bed and moaned. Around mid-morning, I feebly requested a banana. I took one bite and actually felt it navigate my oesophagus and plunge into the turbulent maelstrom of stomach acid, before it turned around and surfed back out again.

I managed to heave my carcass out of bed long enough to huddle in the passenger seat next to Husband while he drove himself to the airport. I was in no mood for a touching adieu. The farewell clinch was regrettably memorable for all the wrong reasons.

Therefore, Husband directed all his pent-up passion and despair at Jed, who magnanimously accepted a kiss on his woolly poll.

Although the nausea only lasted a few hours, the lethargy and aching joints took about three days to dissipate. At first I thought it was something I ate, but poor Andrew came down with the same thing upon his arrival in Dubai 24 hours later. Combined with the jet lag, it sounds as if it was nearly fatal.

Husband returns on 4 November. Although he claimed he would be gone for three weeks, it turns out to be more in the region of four really. I can’t wait to see him again.

I have a big surprise for him, which I have NO DOUBT he will find EXTREMELY ‘interesting’.


Comments on: "Flame of Passion" (9)

  1. Cian said:

    Is Husband gone to visit Darling Three and Darling Four?

    Is the surprize that both you and he are pregnant with extraterrestrial lifeforms even though you did not have intimate relations when they last visited?

    If you delete my post, I know that I am right and I shall keep the secret.

  2. I can keep your secret too! And any others you may wish to share…

  3. You mean – you kept the banana as a memento?

  4. deadlyjelly said:

    Cian, of course I was so tempted to delete your post 😀 What happened to Darling Two? I hope you haven’t hurt him – if you TOUCH a SINGLE HAIR on his HEAD, you’re going to RUE THE DAY you were BORN. Hey, I kind of dig the threatening demeanour. Makes me feel pumped. Think I’ll try it more often.

    Good guess, but that is NOT the surprise. All will be revealed, but not until after Husband returns, because he is known to occasionally check Deadlyjelly to see the extent to which he is being slandered.


  5. deadlyjelly said:

    Anti, great to hear from you! I would love to disclose The Secret, but if I did it would be A Commonly Known Fact, which doesn’t have the same sort of ring. The Secret will be unveiled with supplementary photos next week – promise!


  6. deadlyjelly said:

    In fact, I DID keep the banana, but it turned black and then disintegrated into goo. It was fairly crap, as mementos go. I would have preferred a plastic donkey.


  7. Cian said:

    Darling Two is Jed.

    I now believe that you have knitted Husband and Jed Matching jumpers on your new “Passap Pink Duomatic with Electra motor” which you bought on TradeMe (always think that it is just for handy men, prostitutes and unwanted relatives)

    But I am not sure that the supplementary photos will include Husband modeling..

  8. Cian said:

    antipodeesse – now we know the secret. I think that we can take it from her silence on this post that indeed she has been knitting for Husband and Jed.

    Obviously Jed will trash or eat his, but Husband will be stuck with his Non-Christmas Jumper from hell for years to come.

  9. deadlyjelly said:

    Damn! It’s out.


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