He clasped her to his glistening chest.
“My one true love,” he rasped, urgently.
A frown creased her perfectly proportioned alabaster forehead. “I don’t- I don’t feel so good,” she said.
“Darling one!” he exclaimed, his eyes moving questioningly over her face. “You’re trembling.”
“You might also notice I’m a bit whitish-green as well. Actually, I think I’m going to- excuse me- I- BLEURGH!”
“My love!” he gasped. “What’s wrong? Don’t die!”
“Right, the melodrama is starting to grate. Seems to be a tummy bug. Probably something I ate. Urgh.”
“What- what can I do?”
“Well, you can get your perfectly formed features out of my face, for a start. And could you maybe bring me some water, and a banana?”
“Anything!” he muttered, holding her tenderly. “I would pluck the stars from the sky for you! I would tunnel through mountains, turn back the tide, if you but only say the word-”
“Ok, let’s start with a goddamn banana.”
So, Husband left for Dubai. On the morning of his departure, a family ritual is that I get up early and make pancakes. Well, I was up early all right – 5am to be precise – trying to dissuade my spleen from bursting out my nose.
While Husband packed bags, I lay in bed and moaned. Around mid-morning, I feebly requested a banana. I took one bite and actually felt it navigate my oesophagus and plunge into the turbulent maelstrom of stomach acid, before it turned around and surfed back out again.
I managed to heave my carcass out of bed long enough to huddle in the passenger seat next to Husband while he drove himself to the airport. I was in no mood for a touching adieu. The farewell clinch was regrettably memorable for all the wrong reasons.
Therefore, Husband directed all his pent-up passion and despair at Jed, who magnanimously accepted a kiss on his woolly poll.
Although the nausea only lasted a few hours, the lethargy and aching joints took about three days to dissipate. At first I thought it was something I ate, but poor Andrew came down with the same thing upon his arrival in Dubai 24 hours later. Combined with the jet lag, it sounds as if it was nearly fatal.
Husband returns on 4 November. Although he claimed he would be gone for three weeks, it turns out to be more in the region of four really. I can’t wait to see him again.
I have a big surprise for him, which I have NO DOUBT he will find EXTREMELY ‘interesting’.