The deadliest, jelliest site ever. Brought to you by Niamh Shaw

First, some notes on the collective resolve for 2010.

If you pay attention, you will notice the list is a bit on the light side. This is because the emphasis is on QUALITY, not QUANTITY. I could give up smoking while getting fit, being a nicer person, earning more money and hand-washing my panties, but that’s just fluffing around wasting time and energy feeling like a failure – and anyway, I don’t smoke.

Instead, I examined the areas of my life that need attention, identified what is really important, and focussed on a small number of worthy and – I feel – admirable objectives.

Where possible, resolutions are expressed in specific terms. For example, ‘Be a better person’ is an ambiguous goal. What is ‘better’ anyway? And how much should I strive for betterment in order to really BE better in realistic terms? And if I were actually better, would I simply be a parody of myself?

On the other hand, ‘Whenever leaving the house, I will wear a spandex cape’ is a specific goal.

In further accordance with the SMART mnemonic for evaluating objectives, my resolutions are all measurable, achievable, repetitive, and er, totally something else.

Where no timeframe is given, the resolution implicitly applies to the twelve months comprising 2010.

As you can tell, a lot of time and effort went into this list.

Note: if you like my resolution model and wish to copy it, consider it my gift to you.

Deadlyjelly’s New Years Resolutions

1. Drink more.
1.1 Especially margaritas.

2. Give up snoring.

3. Avoid dogs that smell of perfume.

4. Show appreciation to stalkers (hi Cian! Thanks for stalking me! You rock! Happy New Year!).

5. Be a parody of myself.


Comments on: "Deadlyjelly’s New Year Resolutions 2010" (11)

  1. MobileMark said:

    Any decent stalker worth his salt would know that you do smoke Niamh (especially if you count your cooking prowess) 🙂 I’m putting Cian on notice – he has some competition x

  2. Cian said:

    This year I will rise to the competition.

    Later this year you’d never know but I might be living on the appropriate hemisphere and a closer timezone.

    And come the end of November, I might even be in NZ for a few days. So stalking will rise to a new level. But before you actually get worried (and I know I would be), I would be in the South Island – in Cheviot. So really you are totally safe. Besides I would be scared sh%^less to actually stalk somebody in real-life.

    Wishing you a Superb 2010! I have a good feeling about 2010.

  3. deadlyjelly said:

    MarkJ – ok now, that’s not stalking, that’s just BITCHY. You could have said I smoke with my hot rod bod, but no; you make a crack about my cooking while also implying I’m middle aged. What’s up with your resolutions?

    1. Be bitchy
    2. Become an elite stalker

    You’re AT LEAST three quarters of the way there.

    By the way, another of my resolutions is to post at least 5 x times a week. That should prevail until the end of the month at least, but at the moment, I’m on FIRE! Well, smoking anyway.


  4. deadlyjelly said:

    Cian – don’t worry about the competition, you’re in a league of your own.

    How EXCITING about your visiting the Zeal! I have to warn you: if you don’t drop into Auckland, I’m will have to demote you from your prime position at the top of my stalker list. Or pop down to South Island for a bit of counter-stalking. But I think MarkJ would like to check out his competition – or if you prefer: ‘The level he can only aspire to’.

    Will you drop me an email and tell me all the goss?


  5. MobileMark said:

    I might have been refering to your cooking as being smoking hot (as referenced in the movie “the mask”). But you assume because I know you better I was commenting on your love of “well done” food with the not so faint smell of charcoal in the air. You couldn’t be more mistaken Niamh – you domestic goddess you 🙂

  6. Marks alter-ego here 🙂

    Commenting on your “hot rod bod” would be just too stalker-ie and is expressly forbidden by the watchers collective anyway. Reference section 2.1.1 (b)

    2.1.1 (b) Reference to specific comments regarding your stalking charge should be limited, but not excluded to, general comments about their physical appearance. Comments like “nice rack”, “hot bod” or any such variations are far too specific, and overstep the mark in the stalker/stalkee relationship. Any serious breaches in the code will be referred to a disciplinary tribunal. To avoid such prosecutions members can elect to transfer to the perverts union, where such behaviour is not only condoned – but encouraged.


  7. Cian said:

    @MobileMark – excellent save. I am well impressed.

    @DJ – Well other half wants to go to World Rogaine Champs in November. Needless to say I shall not be part-taking. “24 hours running over the hills” and me just don’t go together. I’ve not been to Cheviot before (to be honest I never heard of it before – then again how many NZ folk have?). I know my geo sucks, but if you draw a line from Christchurch to Greymouth and consider what is under it, I’m pretty comfortable but that was back in 2001. Too long ago…

    Auckland – seen the airport – but that does not count. Some day I’ll get up there properly. I’m afraid that if I go there I will fall in love and then what about Melbourne? or Vancouver? There are too many places in the world to live.

    Now I am thinking about the Milford Track and all the other good stuff. Can I be homesick for NZ even if it is not my home…

  8. deadlyjelly said:

    MarkJ – wow, that WAS an excellent save.

    The faint, acrid tang emanating from our house is actually from Husband’s exploding computers.


  9. deadlyjelly said:

    Cian – never heard of Cheviot, but haven’t come across Greymouth either. My sense of geography sucks. For years I thought Liberia was a fictional country, until I managed a project there. Similarly with Transylvania – I can’t tell you how exciting it was to discover Transylvania was not just a figment of Bram Stoker’s imagination and it really existed before becoming Armenia or whatever.

    Thankfully, a geography test was not part of the NZ residency application process.

    Let me know when you finalise details of the plan to avoid rogaine in NZ.


  10. Hello Lovey and Hippy Nude Yeah to you!

    Smart/Casual is just brilliant and I laughed and misted a fine spray of snot onto every page.

    My NY Resolution is to send you a bullet point list of my personal favourite bits from your book and before the end of the week too, so you can strip naked and bathe in the glory of a warm sycophantic bath.


  11. deadlyjelly said:

    Hi Anti – hippy nude yeah back atcha! I just LOVE your expressions 😀 I will check in with your blog to read all about your Christmas shenanigans. I’m finding seasonal NZ quite surreal; I envy you snow!

    I am absolutely chuffed you enjoyed Smart Casual! Oh please do send on that bullet point list – I’m always on for sycophancy of any temperature.


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