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Mad dog

“We have to leave the house at 8:00am,” I said in my Serious Voice so that Husband would know I was serious.

“Absolutely,” agreed Andrew.

“When I say 8:00am, I don’t secretly mean 8:30am. We have to reach Blenheim by 9:00 at the latest. And we are notoriously flaky.”

“True. But 8:00 should get us there in PLENTY of time.”

But despite getting up at argh o’clock on Saturday morning to prepare snacks, coffee to go, clean out the fridge, sort the rubbish, put out the compost, feed the dog, pack the car and straighten my hair, we still tore out of the driveway shortly after 8:15.

“Ok, 45 minutes to Blenheim – that’s manageable,” I said as we ripped up the road.

“Where did you put your wheelie bag?” asked Husband, as if I were smuggling it up my anus.

“What do you mean, where did I- I didn’t put it- you- I told you it was in the bedroom-”

“I thought you put it in the car!” roared Husband, doing a handbrake turn.

“Of course I didn’t put it in the car – baggage handling is YOUR job! Aw- we’re so late- I SAID we had to be-”

“Well, I was ready at 8:00!”

“Well, so was I!”

“Well, you didn’t look like it!”

“Well, neither did you!”

Husband pulled up outside our gate in a hail of gravel, exiting the car before it came to a stop. He hurdled the gate and sprinted down the drive.

I didn’t know Husband had those kind of moves.

It was pretty sexy.

On the road again, “Well done for remembering the bag, I suppose,” I muttered.

“Sorry I was a bit sharp back there,” muttered back Husband.

As we skidded around a bend, my wheelie bag tumbled off the box upon which it was – ‘wedged’ is not the right word for it, implying as it does a measure of stability – we’ll go for ‘precariously balanced’ in the boot. Jed’s response to this stimulus was to leap out of its way, but he rather over compensated and SHOT STRAIGHT OUT THE BACK WINDOW OF THE CAR.


Comments on: "Mad dog" (4)

  1. Okay, who cleans out the fridge at argh o’clock of a Saturday morning? Far be it from me to cast aspersions on your planning abilities, but wouldn’t it make more sense to schedule housekeeping tasks for times when you’re not about to massacre pedestrians and wildlife throughout Marlborough?

    Presumably Jed survived, he’s got form for that sort of thing, but was the wheelie bag okay?

  2. Cian said:

    I’ve warned you before about reporting you to the RZNSPCA (at least I did in my head if not electronically). I know this time it was semi-self inflicted by Jed, but you did not even tell us if he is okay. When I get over there, I think I might have to have a quiet word with him. 🙂

    But in reality I have not laughed so much in ages… all I can now think of is why there is not a video of it. Some things are made for recording.

  3. deadlyjelly said:

    Ok, first the fridge. Despite my unorthodox scheduling of housework, I was not defrosting the fridge at argh o’clock on Saturday morning. By ‘clean the fridge’, I simply meant removing any food sources likely to mutate into other life forms within the space of two weeks. I’m surprised you didn’t take issue with the hair straightening; but naturally there is a good explanation for that too.

    Thank you, the wheelie bag is recuperating and all signs indicate it will make a full recovery.


  4. deadlyjelly said:

    I KNOW, I KNOW; but in our defence, at least we don’t feed Jed chocolate.

    I didn’t actually see Jed leap out the window; first I knew of it was a screech of brakes and my head smushed against the windscreen, and it’s surprising how much backstory Andrew conveyed via a high-decibel expletive. I practically jumped out the window myself, except my heart had momentarily stopped.

    It didn’t restart until Jed came galloping out of the dust. Andrew saw it happen in the wing mirror; he said Jed landed on all fours but he must have rolled because half of his little head was white with gravel dust, like Phantom of the Opera.

    Thank god the only damage he sustained was a light graze over his left eye. So hopefully Jed has learned not to exit moving vehicles, and Husband has learned to leave the back window halfway up. Valuable lessons.


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