The deadliest, jelliest site ever. Brought to you by Niamh Shaw

Me: All right, then. What’s callorhinchus milii?

Agent of Death: Ah. Dunno. What?

Me: Elephant fish, of course. Let’s try another. Squalus acanthias.

Agent of Death: I don’t know the scientific names of commercial fish species-

Me: I KNEW IT! You’ve been making up these Latin names all along-

Agent of Death: So what is squalus acanthias?

Me: What? Oh yeah. Spiny dogfish. Here we are,you should know this. Colistium nudipinnis.

Agent of Death: Er. Moki?

Me: Good guess, but, sadly, no. It’s turbot.

Agent of Death: What the <expletive deleted>?

Husband: ‘Tur-bow’, hahaha! Say it again!

Me: What? Turbot.

Agent of Death: Hahaha!

Husband: HahahaHAA!

Me: What? Turbot. Turbot.

Agent of Death: Tur-bit.

Me: In New Zealand, perhaps. I tell you, the education system here could do with an overhaul. Nice redirection, by the way-

Agent of Death: It’s tur-bit! You nuff.

Me: It’s NOT! Ok, I’m looking it up! (tap tap) Ok, T-U-R-B-O-T, here we are. (clicks on the MP3/pronunciation link)

Electronic American woman: TUR-BIT

Me: Pants.

It was a painful reminder of the first time I applied the word ‘masochistic’ in a conversation. I was about twelve, and seized upon the opportunity presented to demonstrate my smarts like a sherbet lemon lollipop.

Unfortunately, since I had only ever read the word, I pronounced it with a hard ‘ch’.

At the time, I thought my audience were just verbally abusing a twelve year old. I suppose it’s comforting to know that some people are just MOCKERS


Comments on: "How to pronounce ‘turbot’ and other words" (13)

  1. mumsie said:

    After your frustration I suggest you listen to Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong performing “Let’s call the whole thing off”. Available on youtube – it must put a smile on your face.

    It did to mine!


  2. deadlyjelly said:

    Haha! Nice to know sense of humour is not a generational thing 😉 I’ll go and look it up again.


  3. MarkJ said:

    Best post this month – and maybe last month as well.

    Love the new “do” btw. Very chic.

  4. deadlyjelly said:

    Well thanks but, there aren’t many to choose from. Although, is that your point? Are you passively aggressively berating me for not posting more? Husband says you totally are.

    Why thank you for the (second) compliment .


  5. MarkJ said:

    I’m never passive about being aggressive.
    WYSIWYG when it comes to me.

    Always liked short hair on women – shows a strength of character and individuality; especially when you consider how many cry buckets of tears when Tara makes them cut it off in ANTM.

  6. Short hair. What a wanker! So you’re his favourite eh, writes the kiwi with the long hair. I thought I was strong of character and an individual. I think he’s sweet-talking, Ms DJ. What do you think and I so totally get the passive aggressive accusation you sent in his direction … by crikey.

    Hehehehe, that was fun. I was having a shitty Saturday afternoon and voila, an excellent post and a chance to torment bad Mark.

    Turbot, I so get that too and you SO VERY MUCH amongst the familiar if you knew mockers at 12. My Belgian is so sweet, and at first I’d glare at him, thinking he was mocking. But no … so I am being reprogrammed … for him anyway.

  7. Cian said:

    Turbot, It is pronounced frigging Turbot and a nice fish it is too. There is no i or e in it. Ms. Deadlyjelly please accept your mission to correct the heathens down in Kiwi-land and get them to say the word properly.

  8. deadlyjelly said:

    Yes but MarkJ what I want to know is: are you aggressive about being passive? Huh? Huh?

    And what has warped yoghurt spackling indecently wronged young goats got to do with you?


  9. deadlyjelly said:

    Di – he is totally sweet talking, but I’m susceptible. Sorry to say I AM his favourite at the moment but only because I’m bringing him an amp from Ireland. What can I say? He’s a whore for stereo equipment. Once he has his amp, I’m sure your long history will assert itself and you’ll be back in the number 1 slot.

    I’m delighted to have afforded you an opportunity for tormenting MarkJ, but I say: why wait for an opportunity? Or are you ignoring some?

    Don’t hold back: get into it.


  10. deadlyjelly said:

    Cian – I’m trying, I’m trying, but your expectations are extremely high 😀


  11. Cian, getting Kiwis to change their pronunciation is like telling the British (or the Irish, or the Kiwis for that matter) to spell ‘color’ without the ‘u’, it’s just not going to happen.

    BTW, is the ‘frigging’ silent?

    I’m sorry, I don’t think that came out right.

  12. Cian said:

    Oh I know – I suppose it is mean to assign Deadlyjelly a task she could never complete. But still I would like to see her outside her local supermarket with a placard.

    As for “pronounced frigging Turbot”, I guess that is the Irish version of English! So perhaps “frigging pronounced Turbot” is more apt. And as for the Fish I don’t like to eat I can leave it as “I’m not eating frigging Whiting” where it does not need to be silent.

  13. deadlyjelly said:

    Hahaha! Too funny, insane giggling here 😀


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