So I am now in the UK. I know, but I like to surprise you.
Officially this is a holiday to see my family. Unofficially, I am here to pick up an amp for MarkJ.
Husband – who leaped out of the airplane in the Middle East – and I were completely unprepared for the trip. We ended up forgetting all our Dubai-issued bank cards (not including my two cards with expiry date 0408) and one NZ-issued visa card between the two of us. What do you mean, whose? Does it matter? What’s mine is Andrew’s and vice versa.
Ok, it was Andrew’s.
I robbed it.
(Improv on the ‘What’s Andrew’s is mine’ theory.)
I had forgotten to book my flight under my Skywards membership, which would have informed Emirates of my food preferences. ‘Chicken or beef?’ is an existential question as far as I am concerned. Asking if there are any vegetarian options results in a lecture on informing them 24 hours prior to the flight, before the flight attendant ungraciously stamps off to scrape some of the cabin crews’ leftovers into a piece of tinfoil and pass it off as ratatouille.
In this instance, I ate the prawn cocktail starter (my vegetarianism makes exception for fruits la mer), and Andrew donated his starter. Then the flight attendant returned with a main course from business class. Turned out to be – what d’you know? – more prawns. Prawns in a vomit-yellow sludgy sauce. God, I sound so ungracious. Can I pass it off as jetlag? In general I have found it works extremely effectively as an excuse.
On the Sydney to Dubai leg, Husband and I were seated right next to the toilet. By that I mean I could reach out and close the door from a sitting position. Which I did, on average once every five minutes – which might not sound like much but stacks up over a period of seventeen hours. It was one of the worst flight experiences I’ve ever had: movies interrupted by the regular flush and suck; people resting their arses on my face as they leant against my seat; the vicious whiff of reconstituted airline food every time the door opened.
Andrew’s and my touching goodbye was tainted by excrement.