Husband: Do you have any spare AAA batteries?
Me: Eh? What would I be doing with batteries? You’re the battery man.
Husband: Well, I don’t have any because when I went to buy some the other day, you told me they were too expensive-
Me: YOU decided you could get cheaper batteries-
Husband: Well, now I have no batteries and my keyboard won’t work. I can’t type.
Me: What do you want me to do about it?
Husband: Well- your headphones; you don’t use the noise cancelling feature, do you?
Me: I DO! Sometimes!
Husband: What about right now?
Me: Well, no- BUT, the last time- I lent you my memory card out of my camera so you could take photos of the MR2 and the next time I tried to use my camera I couldn’t because instead of putting the card back in the camera, you had tossed it in a box.
Me: Have you learned something from this?
Husband: Oh, yes.
Me: You’re just SAYING THAT- ok, WHAT have you learned?
Husband: I’ve learned that when I ask to borrow something, it is my RESPONSIBILITY to replace it so that whoever was KIND ENOUGH to lend it to me is not INCONVENIENCED in any way by my not giving it back.
Me: Wow- you’ve really learned a lot. Ok then, here’s the battery out of my headpho-
Husband: There’s only ONE BATTERY?
Husband: That’s no <expletive deleted> good!
Husband: SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!