The deadliest, jelliest site ever. Brought to you by Niamh Shaw

Yesterday afternoon was sullen. Mist pressed up against the living room windows. Atmospheric.

I was quite content partaking of the atmosphere from the leathery embrace of the sofa. However, Jed hadn’t been walked the previous day and was ricocheting off the furniture much like a sprung pinball. So Husband and I dressed in clothes appropriate for close-up atmosphere and set off up the road.

Barely out the gate, we saw the lights of a police car flashing blue and red through the mist. I heeled Jed as we approached.

And it was an ARREST! Three police cars had SURROUNDED this beat-up old vehicle and IMMOBILISED two CRIMS!!! Both were in HANDCUFFS, and one was FACE-DOWN ON THE VERGE OF THE ROAD!!!

I’d love to say the prone perp was headbutting the ground, spitting at the pigs and screaming expletives, but he was disappointingly subdued. Similarly, it would have been great if the policeman had planted his knee in the small of his back and snarled, “Listen up, crimscumbucket, another move out of you and I’ll drill you so full of lead your autopsy will be declared a hazardous waste site. Capiche?” then shot him in the knee and claimed it was self-defence.

I mean, really: I’m sure the police wouldn’t cop so much flak from the public if they just did their job. It’s all we’re asking.

Of course, I was DYING to ask what was going down, but nobody said anything at all, not even, “Move along, move along; nothing to see here.”

The felon on the ground gave me the evils. It’s the closest I’ve ever been to the chilling, cold, flat, dead eyes of a killer or something.

Can you believe it: CRIME LORDS IN PORT UNDERWOOD!!!

Or, you know, skeevy drug dealers. Whatever.


Comments on: "Crimelords in Port Underwood!!!" (9)

  1. Wow – in awe. Here in Henderson we just duck as the bullets fly overhead.

  2. solartap said:

    Watching a take down is an entry level activity, like cough syrup leads to hard drugs (right, tell me about it!). Next thing we hear, no doubt, will be that you have been involved with a minor altercation with police (stealing police helmets). From there it is a mere hyphenated sentence away from archery and a life hooking in the red light district.

    Don’t say you have not been warned.

  3. deadlyjelly said:

    MarkJ – those aren’t bullets, they’re French fries.

    Solartap – I like to do things backwards. Watching a take down is the last step in my 10 point plan to wean myself off felonies.


  4. Cian said:

    We all love to know what is going on with local police action. About a year ago we were heading out to go shopping and upon reaching the basement there were police and detectives in white overalls. You know things are bad in Ireland when the detectives are trying not to contaminate the crime scene. Our Car space was cordoned off but it was on the border. Assuming that our car had not committed the crime I asked the policeman could we get our car? It took a while for this information to travel from his ear drum to his brain, so after about 2 minutes he said he would check with the detective in charge.

    At the same time there was a woman talking to the said detective and he was telling her that it was perfectly safe for her to stay the night there, that there was no sign of forced entry. So I am thinking that perhaps a woman has been forced off the balcony by someone she knew or perhaps committed suicide. I was thinking the second one was more likely as we live in a fairly crime-free area. I mean the neighbouring streets are the purple ones on a monopoly board; our neighbours include the US and British embassies so there are always police around and thus crime very low.

    So we got our car, shopped and returned. Mr “I’m a little dim” policeman was still on duty, so I asked him what had happened. “Awe nothing, just a small incident”. To this day I still don’t know what happened.

  5. It’s like that whole “there’s a man under the train” thing. Until someone told me what it meant I seriously thought literally.

    People need to talk about suicide. It’s actually a topic that been recently raised in NZ.

  6. deadlyjelly said:

    Sounds like the police didn’t know what happened either. They were probably just bored and had a surplus of cordon tape.

    But yeah, I was trying to have a good old gander, while pretending not to look. Limited success.


  7. Cian said:

    MarkJ – I’ve never heard that expression before. It is interesting to read that journalists are not to give suicide undue prominence. As somebody who has lost a first cousin and three friends to suicide I ask for journalists and everybody to give the issue of suicide the prominence it needs.

  8. deadlyjelly said:

    Oh, good god. I thought the policeman’s comment of ‘just a small incident’ implied someone had lost a cat, or something. Sorry for my flip response.

    I’ve always felt the attitude that talking about an issue might incite others to have more sex/ turn to drugs/ kill themselves is erroneous, if not injurious to society.


  9. Cian said:

    Oh Deadlyjelly – I have no idea what the incident was. No need for an apology. I half agree with you on the excess of tape. It could have been near budget time and they had not used enough of their tape and in order to get more money for the following year they randomly created crime scenes.

    Oh perhaps it was a tv hidden camera program. But Mike Murphy (remember him?) did not pop up from behind the pillar, so not sure about that.

    Yesterday hiking in Wicklow in a forest I came across some tape and it said “Electricity Wires Underneath”. Yeah right – the Valley we were in does not have Electricity. Somebody was tape happy I think.

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