Husband: What’s wrong?”
Me: You made your pregnant wife cry.
Husband: What? I- but- I didn’t even notice!
Me: Thirteen years together and you STILL can’t tell when I’m crying? It’s not that hard, you know. It’s quite distinctive: tears, snot, sniffles, bit of wailing.
Husband: But- when?
Me: Five minutes ago! I was on the sofa, you were- saying stuff.
Husband: What did I say?
Me: It doesn’t matter! I’m PREGNANT! I have HORMONES! I cry at the tremble of a leaf! What you said- that’s not the point! The POINT is that I was CRYING-
Husband: Aw, sweetie!
Me: And you didn’t come over and give me a cuddle. Personally, I think that’s pretty shabby behaviour-
Husband: Well, I suppose-
Me: And I really think you need to smarten up your act.
Husband: Fair enough. I’ll start on it right away.