The deadliest, jelliest site ever. Brought to you by Niamh Shaw


Two days before the movers were due to arrive, we decided to call into the container yard at Spring Creek to check the security measures.

Alan, the manager of the container yard, who had taken my booking, was not available.

“I’ll show you the container, if you like,” said John, a man who operated in a strictly humour-free zone. Unless you counted his glasses, a pair of big, yellow-tinted square eyesores. I hope they were for visibility purposes rather than a fashion statement. Because that statement would be loud and pelvis-centric without any discernible excuse for it.“Let me get you a couple of high-viz vests. You need to wear them on the yard.”

“Oh no, no, that’s ok,” said Andrew. “We don’t need to-”

“No- I want a high-viz vest!” I said. “Hey! Do we have to wear hard hats too?”

Apparently we didn’t.

“When’s your container hired?” asked John as we fluorescently trooped over to the holding area.

“Thursday morning,” I said.

“I don’t think so,” said John. “I handle container bookings and we have nothing for Thursday.”

“Oh, Alan ASSURED me the container would be available on Thursday,” I said.

John’s face twitched with the effort of internalising an extreme eye-roll.

“How long did you book it for?”

“Alan said you guys were EXTREMELY flexible,” I said happily. “He said we could have it as long as we needed and just to let you know on an as-required basis. Alan- he was lovely- wasn’t he, honey? SO accommodating.”

“How much did he quote you?” asked John, increasingly dour.


“And for transport?”

“Oh, that includes transport. And GST. Very reasonable, we thought.”

Evidently John thought so too. Perhaps the spectacles were corrective, to address eye-rolling.

Anyway, I don’t know what he was fussing about. Either there was a stash of containers around the corner, or John was extremely good at his job (although I can’t think there’s much to arranging containers; surely it’s just an adult version of building blocks?); in any case there was a container waiting for us at the yard on Thursday morning.

Back at home, “I still think I could have shifted our things in a couple of trailer loads,” muttered Andrew.

I might have to ask John about his spectacle prescription.


Comments on: "Pelvis-centric" (2)

  1. JohnP said:

    Andrew would look S-o-o-o cute in rose-tinted spectacles…….

  2. deadlyjelly said:

    Jeep, I don’t think rose is Andrew’s colour but I’ll suggest it anyway.


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