Andrew has been testing our blood pressure, having bought Her Goatiness a second-hand blood-pressure monitor on Trademe a few days ago.
My blood pressure is fine, on the border between the desirable range and Pre-Hypertensive. Andrew is Stage 2 Hypertensive, but at least he’s doing better than the dog who is in Hypertensive Crisis. It just goes to show: there’s always someone worse off than yourself.
Upon reading the manual, Andrew realized the monitor wasn’t supposed to be used after eating or exercise. He confined himself to a prone position on the sofa, obsessively and/or compulsively measuring and re-measuring himself. His last diastolic reading was physically impossible. I’m disappointed the monitor doesn’t come with a warning: ‘Alert, alert. You are clinically dead. Please contact a doctor immediately.’
Perhaps if he hadn’t been clinically dead, he would have read the manual properly. It turned out he was applying the monitor upside-down.