Husband> How do you feel about your dog?
Me> Who- Jed?
Me> Well I- I love him.
Me> He’s my dog.
Husband> What if he did something?
Me> Look, a dog’s a dog. Every now and then he’s got to express his furry inner nature – you know, unleash the wolf . You can’t blame him for that.
Husband> I’m glad you feel that way.
Me> Huh really? Why?
Husband> He lay on your rhubarb.
Me> HE DID WHAT?
Husband> In fact, he didn’t just lie on it. He rolled around in it, wriggled a bit. Looked to be having a whale of a time.
Me> I put that rhubarb in last summer- it doesn’t produce for a whole year- I’ve weeded it, nurtured it-
Husband> Yeah, it’s a bit flat. And see, this leaf here is munched. Also that one.
Me: That <multiple expletives deleted> <and some more> mongrel!
Husband: What happened to ‘a dog’s a dog’?
Me: I’ll make a <expletive deleted> rug out of his pelt.
And I’m going to embroider it:
In loving memory of Jed
Beloved family pet
Lay on rhubarb