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The Greatness

Here’s how it all came about: it was last Friday, and we were trying to avoid Charles and Camilla. They are apparently atrocious bores so you don’t want to get stuck with them at a party or, for that matter, a Canterbury A&P Show.

We were lurking outside the showground when we bumped into John Key – or more accurately, one of his security detail.

“Quick!” I said, “Get Finn out of his stroller so I can introduce him to John Key.”

Andrew was disappointingly reluctant.

“Come on, Niamhie,” he said. “He’s got better things to do-”

“Like what? Kissing babies is his job-”

 “Running the country is his job,” said Andrew primly.

I snorted. Well, John Key quite obviously wasn’t waiting on an imminent fax from Vladimir Putin; he also happened to be snogging a baby at that moment, which I felt somewhat undermined Andrew’s argument.

“Look,” I said, “I think it’s really selfish of you to deprive your son of the opportunity to meet John Key.”

 “What makes New Zealand great is that celebrities can walk around unmolested.”


FIRSTLY, John Key isn’t a celebrity; he’s a politician. Secondly, what makes New Zealand great is bungee jumping and Sauron The Dark Lord. And thirdly, these things make New Zealand really pretty awesome but hardly ‘great’. I’m not dissing my chosen home; it’s just that there are very few countries that qualify as ‘great’. In fact I can think of just two: The USA, due to its size and Davy Crockett; and England, because it says so in the title, but also because, you know, Genghis Khan.

Husband eventually capitulated, mainly because I started whining and threatened to sulk.

Johnny is SUCH a dude. No really; I like him. People were swarming around shoving their children at him – many with chocolaty hands – and although there was a touch of rigor mortis about his smile, it never faltered. He wasn’t that sweaty even though it was a hot, sunny day and he was stuffed into a suit.

I had no intention of foisting my cranky, squirming progeny on him, but Johnny seized Finn and didn’t drop him once. He fully complied with my request to ‘show some teeth’.

This is the result of a photo op that lasted about 3 milliseconds:

Husband says it looks like I am throwing my baby at John Key, which I completely did. You gotta be quick since he moves INSANELY fast

Not only did Finn get touched by greatness, I got in a quick grope so you might say I also touched the greatness


Comments on: "The Greatness" (2)

  1. At least Finn wore a blue hat for the National party. Can you imagine if it had been Red. He might have said something like “Quick, grab that gay headed-baby. I’ll smile and show the world I’m pro-gay.” Thankfully though you didn’t put him in a red Man United top – he might have stolen Finn for the rest of the day, and sent pictures to David Beckham, killing two birds with one stone.

    Obviously his security detail we’re doing a great job, with one of them checking his facebook, tumblr, twitter, digg or whatever people do these days. Or perhaps he was just checking your blog in order to see if you’re a crazy stalker. The other security detail doesn’t seem interested. His brain was too busy thinking he looked tres cool. Perhaps I might have more respect for you if you groped him instead of Mr. Key. But in reality I’d probably just be envious.

  2. When you say “INSANELY fast”, are you talking about Finn or John? (I assume you’re on first name terms with the Great Man now you’ve groped him.)

    I’m a bit confused about why you think England is great, or where Genghis Khan comes into it. (I know why I think England’s great, but I have an excuse, it’s my home.) Also Sauron. I thought he lived in a place called Morrr-dorrrr, which is totally not New Zealand at all. But I’m sure you know what you mean, and isn’t that the main thing?

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