Me> Anything interesting in the post?
Husband> No. Oh except, you got a speeding ticket.
Husband> Yeah, must’ve been your last trip to Dunedin.
Me> Flaming Mary, Mother of Jesus H Christ Almighty!
Husband> You were doing a hundred and seven in a 100k zone.
Me> Aw, no WAY! What class of doughnut-popping oinker does you for seven kilometers over the open limit? I mean, I could understand it in a 50k zone, but . . . oh, this SO FULLY BLOWS-
Husband> Well, Niamhie, I’m always telling you to slow down-
Me> What the- what are you- I’M always telling YOU to slow down! Aw, this is just so unjust. I always thought it would be you. How much?
Me> The fine.
Husband> Ah. $300-
Me> THREE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I COULD BUY A PAIR OF REALLY NICE SHOES FOR THAT! Or, you know. Two weeks of groceries.
Me> We’re all going to starve.
Husband> I hope not.
Me> When was I ticketed?
Husband> 2 December.
Me> 2 December.
Me> Wait. Saoirse was born on 21 November and I didn’t drive for three weeks after-
Husband> Maybe it was November, I’m not sure.
Me> But we- I didn’t go to Dunedin – or anywhere – before Saoirse was born due to being explosively pregnant-
Husband> Look, I can’t remember the exact date.
Me> Show me that letter. Wait- it WAS December- what happened on- HEY! My parents flew into Dunedin on 2 December- you drove down to collect them- IT WAS YOU!
Me> I can’t believe you tried to blame your reckless driving on the mother of your children! Have you no shame and/or basic sense of decency?
Husband (totally SHAMELESSLY)> The letter’s addressed to you.
Me> Because the car’s in my name-
Husband> Look on the bright side: it’s not $300.
Husband> It’s only $30