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I used to have a HR Manager – let’s call him – Froggie, who was obviously frustrated in his true vocation as an SIS Agent specializing in rohrschachian strangulation techniques.

Amongst the inane banalities he came out with on a minutely basis, his favourite was: “It is what it is.”

It used to INFURIATE me. I would sputter, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, what does that even MEAN? It hardly is what it isn’t, IS IT? See, I don’t even KNOW WHAT I SAID JUST THERE!”

Upon which he’d hold up a finger and mutter into his limited-edition Timex ‘Titanium Trojan’ with built-in sonar which was waterproof to a depth of 800m just in case, you know, he ever fell out of a submarine.

Or, more likely, was forcibly ejected out the torpedo hatch.

And I’d sit there rolling my eyes until he changed the subject.

In case it comes across as if I hated Froggie specifically, no, no, not at all. Firstly, I hate all HR Managers without prejudice or bias (except for my friend Carol; but then, I’ve never worked with her. For all I know, as soon as she strings her identity card around her neck she turns into the epitome of corporate evil whose primary objective is sucking the very essence of life out of her colleagues’ collective souls; and then poses as a wonderful, generous, warm-spirited person with terrific conversational skills in her leisure time. Which admittedly sounds implausible, but no more so than she is the single, shining exception in the legion of dark HR hordes).

One ex-HR Manager even tried to have me banned – not from the building – no – but from THE ENTIRE COUNTRY – simply for being helpful! (Pointing out he was incompetent.)

In any case (and secondly) now that I’m a mother I officially don’t hate anyone. There are simply people that are different to us.

Anyway. It turns out that neither Froggie nor I were correct. As Finn illustrated this morning, sometimes it is what it isn’t.

Finn> Boy want apple.

Me> Sorry sweetie, we don’t have any apples. Here, I’ll cut up some pear for you.

Finn> Dat a apple.

Me> No, it’s a pear.

Finn> Dat a apple.

Me> I think you’ll find it’s a pear.

Finn> Dat a apple.

Me> It’s not a- here, have some! What does it taste like?

Finn> A pear.

Me> Because it is A PEAR!

Finn> No. It’s a apple.

But despite the conversation being almost as obscure as those I used to have with Froggie, at least it was at minimum three times more productive

140718 Finn gets to grips with helmet

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Comments on: "It is what it isn’t" (4)

  1. Oh my word – there was no picture in my email – he is growing up fast, and looks like he shall be such a heart breaker. There is another phrase that some people love “It is a corporate reality”. Perfect together – “It is a corporate reality that it is what it is”.

    A little disappointed to hear that you officially no longer hate people. I mean who is going to teach Finn that Recruiters (much worse than HR Managers as they are on a total power trip and are really just sales people) and Estate Agents are hate-worthy. I guess he can learn in his own good time. I doubt you’ll be selling his ability to work for another couple of years. But keep teaching him about safety, especially how to put on his helmet the correct way around.

  2. deadlyjelly said:

    Hi Cian! Great to hear from you, it’s been a while. That little man is already a heart breaker; you should see the way he flirts with the supermarket operators. He’s shameless.

    Sorry to disappoint you on the hating, but I don’t think it lasts forever; only until Saoirse is 16 – or is it 21? And unofficially of course I still keep my hand in with the hating whenever I get a spare moment. That includes HR Managers, Recruiters, Sales Managers, Estate Agents, Accountants- no, wait; in fact I don’t mind Accountants any more. Actually I can’t even find it in my heart to even intensely dislike them. Fuck, motherhood really HAS mellowed me. Wowsers.

    Hope all is terrific with you x

  3. I’m reasonably sure that hating these categories of people – unlike the irrational prejudices of racism and nationalism – is something you have to learn from your own experience, when you start to deal with them. I never hated estate agents, until I first tried to buy a house.

    So don’t feel you have a duty to prime him on that. He’ll form his own conclusions quickly enough when the time comes.

  4. deadlyjelly said:

    Hi Vet, the sort of visceral hatred one feels for HR Managers is impossible to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it. Much like having a child, I suppose. I just wish I could protect him from HR Managers, you know? x

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