The other day I was kicked out of a local restaurant. Well, I wasn’t seized by the ears and hurled through the window, but only because the establishment does not retain bouncers. However, the psychological effect was similar.
I will not going to fully disclose why I was booted out of the restaurant, because – well. Despite being a writer gifted with a remarkable talent for exaggeration, it is difficult – if not impossible – to document the events leading up to the eviction in a way that illuminates me in a sympathetic light. Believe me, I’ve tried; but even when I lie, I keep toppling off the moral high ground.
The facts of the matter that I am at liberty to divulge are as follows:-
- The manageress accused me of trying to abduct a pot of peppermint tea
- Then she charged me with perpetrating a falsehood
- She was squat and dumpy and smelled nasty
I can’t understand why revenge isn’t more widely practiced on a lower level. I am now plotting my terrible revenge. My wrath will be manifold and great. So far, it takes the form of a letter of complaint. I feel I might need to ramp it up a bit