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Posts tagged ‘business trip’

Not a case of won’t

Husband was supposed to be back in New Zealand on 1 July. Around about the time he should have been adjusting his seatbelt by pulling sharply on the toggle, he rang to say – not that the flight attendant was about to tackle him and confiscate his phone, or even to express his disappointment with the inflight entertainment – that he had to stay in Dubai another week.

For Andrew, a single, terse ‘sorry’ covers pretty much everything: spilt tea, forgetting your anniversary, accidentally selling your Calvin Klein watch on Trademe. There has been little in our shared history that warrants a triple- or even a double-sorry. But this time he was incredibly, superfluously, profusely apologetic. He must have felt really bad.

Either that, or I’m ferocious.

However, he sounded so awful and stressed on the phone that, when I tried to muster up some indignant self-righteous rage, all that came out was, “Just do what you have to and come home.” I think I might even have added ‘Sweetie’.

I swear, I’m getting mellow. It must be the effect of being so recently old. Ever since some fumble-fingered fucker (sorry about the profanity; I would have gone for fumble-fingered git but it lacked the alliterative impact) threw a full cup of coffee over me three minutes into the 20 hour plane trip from Dubai to New Zealand, I have achieved a sort of zen-like calm.

Although I do kick the dog more.

SO I’m collecting Husband from Picton Airport tomorrow and I just can’t wait. When I finish this post, I’m going to stand in the middle of the living room and declaim, over and over, “I can’t- I simply can’t wait. It’s not a case of ‘won’t’ or ‘don’t want to’ or ‘couldn’t be arsed’, I CAN’T because it is IMPOSSIBLE, this waiting. I JUST CAN’T WAIT.”

Flame of Passion

He clasped her to his glistening chest.

“My one true love,” he rasped, urgently.

A frown creased her perfectly proportioned alabaster forehead. “I don’t- I don’t feel so good,” she said.

“Darling one!” he exclaimed, his eyes moving questioningly over her face. “You’re trembling.”

“You might also notice I’m a bit whitish-green as well. Actually, I think I’m going to- excuse me- I- BLEURGH!”

“My love!” he gasped. “What’s wrong? Don’t die!”

“Right, the melodrama is starting to grate. Seems to be a tummy bug. Probably something I ate. Urgh.”

“What- what can I do?”

“Well, you can get your perfectly formed features out of my face, for a start. And could you maybe bring me some water, and a banana?”

“Anything!” he muttered, holding her tenderly. “I would pluck the stars from the sky for you! I would tunnel through mountains, turn back the tide, if you but only say the word-”

“Ok, let’s start with a goddamn banana.”

So, Husband left for Dubai. On the morning of his departure, a family ritual is that I get up early and make pancakes. Well, I was up early all right – 5am to be precise – trying to dissuade my spleen from bursting out my nose.

While Husband packed bags, I lay in bed and moaned. Around mid-morning, I feebly requested a banana. I took one bite and actually felt it navigate my oesophagus and plunge into the turbulent maelstrom of stomach acid, before it turned around and surfed back out again.

I managed to heave my carcass out of bed long enough to huddle in the passenger seat next to Husband while he drove himself to the airport. I was in no mood for a touching adieu. The farewell clinch was regrettably memorable for all the wrong reasons.

Therefore, Husband directed all his pent-up passion and despair at Jed, who magnanimously accepted a kiss on his woolly poll.

Although the nausea only lasted a few hours, the lethargy and aching joints took about three days to dissipate. At first I thought it was something I ate, but poor Andrew came down with the same thing upon his arrival in Dubai 24 hours later. Combined with the jet lag, it sounds as if it was nearly fatal.

Husband returns on 4 November. Although he claimed he would be gone for three weeks, it turns out to be more in the region of four really. I can’t wait to see him again.

I have a big surprise for him, which I have NO DOUBT he will find EXTREMELY ‘interesting’.

Somewhere in Africa. Probably Namibia

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