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Posts tagged ‘interpreting dreams’

Budweiser merchandise: extortionate

Me: I had a terrible dream last night-

Husband <eagerly>: Oh yes?

Me: Well, you remember Stuart?

Husband: Who – the guy you used to work with?

Me: Yes, him. So, I dreamed I was out with Stu and some of his buddies, and someone suggested putting money in a kitty. To buy booze, you know? So I handed over ₤126-

Husband: POUNDS? Wow, that’s a lot of money-

Me: I know! I wasn’t happy about it but, you know, I was on the spot and I was the only female and I didn’t want the guys thinking women are stingy. 

Husband: Fair enough.

Me: Yes, but a month later, I meet up with Stu, and he’s wearing a pair of Budweiser shoes-

Husband: Budweiser SHOES?

Me: Yes. Brand new, burnished leather. Lovely shoes-

Husband: How did you know they were Budweiser shoes?

Me: They had ‘Budweiser’ written up the side of them. Anyway, I realise that he’d used my ₤126 to buy himself a pair of fucking shoes. And all I got was a pair of Budweiser nail clippers.

Husband: That doesn’t sound like much return for ₤126.

Husband: Jesus, that’s a TERRIBLE dream.

Me: I know! I told you.

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Getting freakier

Me: I had the weirdest dream last night-

Husband: Oh yes? What was it?

Me: Well, we had a baby daughter.

Husband: Aw, that’s nice-

Me: Yeah, except we asked Salmiya to babysit one night, and she pierced our baby’s tongue.

Husband: <speechless>

Me: Bitch.

Me: I mean, who pierces a six month old baby’s TONGUE?

It’s just as well I don’t dream much. I always wake up outraged about the imaginary grievances perpetrated on my subconscious self and/or offspring

Dispatches from the road, Part I

Me: I had the weirdest dream last night. I was at Obama’s inauguration and everyone was giving him presents – like cut crystal and antique guns with inscriptions, you know? I had something for him too, wrapped in white paper with a silver bow. But as I gave it to him, I realised it was crap

Husband: Really? What was it?

Me: A mug, with ‘Merry Christmas’ on it

Husband: Gosh, that is crap

Me: I know! And Obama was so gracious about it. He said, ‘That’s a great mug. Rilly great.’ Then he pointed at me, as if he really meant it

Husband: You go into a lot of detail in your dreams, don’t you?

Me: You can’t IMAGINE how embarrassing it was

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