Solartap: How are you?
Me: Great! I’m wearing a wetsuit with armadillo knees.
Solartap: Armadillo . . . knees? Is that a . . . what is that?
Me: You might call it the cutting edge of seventies neoprene technology.
Me: Yeah, the knees are, like, they have WINGS. You probably need to see it to get the full effect.
Solartap: For ease of movement?
Me: Not that you’d notice. I think maybe it’s some kind of retro fashion statement. It’s about thirty years old.
Solartap: Why are you wearing a wetsuit that’s thirty years old?
Me: It has no arms. I’m going to try it out for swimming. Used to belong to Andrew-
Solartap: When he was EIGHT?
Me: More like fifteen.
Solartap: Thirty years ago he would’ve-
Me: I was rounding up. Jeez.
Solartap: So you can fit into a wetsuit that fit a teenage boy. What does that say about you?
Me: Nothing. I think it says more about the sagging nature of neoprene over time.