The deadliest, jelliest site ever. Brought to you by Niamh Shaw

Posts tagged ‘slingshot’

Slingshot call centre guidelines

  • The customer is never right.
  • Furthermore, the customer is always wrong.
  • And stupid (be sure to communicate this via disdain).
  • Lie.
  • If the customer shows signs of life, kill him with jargon.
  • Insist the problem is their modem – that should get rid of most of them.
  • Keep ’em on hold for half an hour – that’ll take care of the rest.
  • Tell the customer Slingshot is working on it but instead of logging the call, just laugh.
  • Blame Telecom.
  • Lie.

Q: What is worse than big tobacco? A: Begins with ‘S’ and ends with ‘lingshot’

For nearly two weeks, I have been lost without Internet access. It’s been a disaster. I haven’t been able to use my landline, update Deadlyjelly, check email, surf Wikipedia, buy crap on Trademe, find out the history of fleur de lis, look up Maori face tattoos, view photos of drunk strangers on Facebook, or research the reproductive cycle of the fruit fly.

On the upside, this has freed up HOURS every day; in the region of six. I have done loads of writing.

This morning, Slingshot called to tell me I was back online. ONLY KIDDING! Haha, got you there. Of course they didn’t, because that would involve a modicum of proactivity and/or basic customer care.

Instead, I fought the crushing miasma of despair and hopelessness to fire up my browser in the unlikely to improbable event Slingshot had fixed the problem. I mean, last Saturday during my bi-daily call, I was told I would be back online within 24-48 hours, but that’s one of the things they say to snuff out your will to live. Because it’s not as if I hadn’t heard it before – on no less than five occasions during the previous 12 days.

Of course Slingshot offered to recompense me for any downtime and inconvenience. ONLY KIDDING! They agreed to refund $40, which covers maybe one of the international phone calls to my mobile from Husband who is currently in Dubai – and I had to call them to request the rebate. At least I wasn’t on hold for half an hour – ONLY KIDDING! Goodness, the laughs just keep coming.

Slingshot is evil. If you are employed by Slingshot: shame on you. Why don’t you go and work for a more ethical company, like big tobacco or a munitions manufacturer?

General frivolity

This morning I set off for Ohakune. Haze promised ‘general frivolities’, so I’m quite looking forward to that. If there’s no frivolity of any nature, there’s going to be trouble. I am fully equipped: walking boots, hot water bottle, two duvets, bottle of port, lashings of thermal underwear, hats and scarves.

My internet connection has been acting up the last few days, so I’ve been cut off from the outside world. People can still call me, but the conversation swiftly disintegrates into colourful swearwords and the sound of the phone being battered off the table. Husband has been dealing with those crap artists at Slingshot, who were supposed to send an engineer this week. Well, that didn’t happen

Sniffing the highlighter pen

This was the view out the bedroom window this morning. I’m not sure whether the image fully captures just how WET it is. Does it? Odd that the raindrops the size of teabags didn’t come out in the photo.

There’s something wrong with my Internet connection which, by association, means my landline is poked. Internet access is erratic yet manageable, but when Husband called me last night there was a 7 second delay on the line and it sounded like he had been sniffing the highlighter pen. I mean, maybe he had, but it would be a new development.

Husband spent 40 minutes before he got through to Slingshot‘s advancedly useless customer support. I would have called them, because there are times when nothing beats banging your head off a brick wall, but of course my phone doesn’t work and mobile coverage here is non existent at the best of times. It will take Slingshot up to 48 hours to address the issue, presumably because they’re run off their feet ignoring customers

Tag Cloud